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| It was all a dream ... |
Epiphany ...
Epiphany … For some odd reason my body decided to wake me up a little before 3:30 this morning, normally I don’t tend to wake up before 6, but today was obviously the exception. So as I laid there sprawled out on the couch looking off into the kitchen, I thought to myself W(hy)TF am I awake? And then like a lightning bolt hitting the pavement, I had an epiphany; maybe I am up because I have some issues I need to deal with.
Over the last year of my life things have been pretty confusing and hectic for me; I have dealt with everything from a suicide attempt to my nuptial’s being called off and then some. God has allowed me to experience pain for reasons I have not tried to understand, and because of my immature stance on pain, I have developed insecurities that have transform themselves into walls that are putting a hold on my happiness and hope for life.
So instead of allowing this cycle to continue, I thought to myself, hum …, I need to allow myself to heal. But how was the more interesting part of the problem, and then once again I had yet another epiphany, check my Facebook block list and make peace for those individuals first. So as I sat there and reactivated my Facebook (Main) profile I notice I had my children’s mother block twice, my biggest competitor in the Toledo market for photography, my ex- business partner, and my former fiancé all denied access to my pictures and Facebook post. And that is when I realize these were the issues suppressing me back from experiencing the happiness and love I am currently seeking to have with that certain somebody …
God works in mysterious ways, there are no coincides, things do not transpire “just because” life has a purpose, beginning and end date, but it is upon “us” to recognize these signs. I went from living at home with my children and their mother to being a single father of 2 in another city in a blink of an eye. And now that I am here, I have decided to do things differently, one cannot hold on to something or someone and expect to heal if that certain element is still hindering them, can they? So let me do away with my anger, hurt, and disappointment with others so I can go forth with my life.
Mr. Photographer, it’s only obvious that one day you will be a force to be reckon with and when that day comes I hope to be able to assist or be a part of your movement. There were a lot similarities between networks and teachers that made you indirectly my competition, in pursuit to be number 1, I was willing to smear, talk – down, and envy your success because of jealous and for that I am sorry, we all like to think of ourselves as honest people but when you’re a SBO it’s hard to be honest when the bills are due, my bad and I hope you can forgive me for my immaturity.
Now as far as my ex – business partner goes, I wish you nothing but success, and yes I do take pride in being able to recognize real talent, you may have the desire to be a force in the photography world, but seriously, you are the truth when it comes to make – up. You have supreme intellect and I know when you start your company, you will benefit greatly from your struggles, God has a purpose for you and I know you know this; sorry being a jerk at times (well) most of the time, business does not mean you need to be a butt whip as you referred to me as … LOL, I hope one day you can forgive me as well.
To my ex – fiancé (if you even read this) know that you were the reason why I discounted the cycle of mental abuse she had put on me, and even though our story did not end in success, you were a reoccurring breath of fresh air that did nothing more but try to love someone through all their pain. I know I owe you and I will happily pay you back with interest, I have nothing but love for you and your family, you and your daughter were a blessing to spend time and build with, in an alternate universe we probably would of made it, thank you for taking an attempt and my pick up line was classic, “is that Carlton on your shirt?”
.And finally to the women I spent 7 years with (off & on) who gave birth to our two beautiful healthy baby girls please read this for its face value. In life perception is everything, one cannot hope to obtain anything when they have been classified or deemed a failure. You have so much to offer the world, but yet you take your pain out on those you know are there for you, and openly embrace those who want nothing more but to utilize you and take advantage of you for their own personal gratification.
A woman’s body is something that should be treasured and value, not shared and viewed as dispensable, your actions are a direct result of your thoughts, until you are able to recognize and readjust your thought pattern; life will continue to go in the direction in which it is currently going.
Speak with truth and honesty instead of lies and deception, karma is in existence for a reason, but it is ultimately on the person to determine how they will be rewarded. I have nothing but hope and well wishes for you, and even though our time with each other is over and done with, I hope that we will be strong allies to each other for our children’s sake and respect each other’s personal life as well as space.
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